Thursday, January 15, 2009
I'm in a quiet place now. After weeks and months of endless activity, constantly balancing needs with changing priorities, and working myself to exhaustion, I'm tired. More accurately, I'm sick.
As this last few months unfolded, each time I thought I was getting a bit of a reprieve, each time I thought I would have a day or two to sort out things and manage my responsibilities, I was wrong. I never did find more than a tiny sliver of time for resting. I did my best to keep up, and did my best to not fight the schedule for my life that seemed out of my hands. I did my best to surrender to the process that engulfed me. I kicked a bit, I stamped my feet a bit, but mostly I gave in.
And now, running a fever and unable to think straight for more than 10 minutes at a time, I'm still surrendering to the process that is larger than myself. I'm resting and napping while things remaining unchecked off my long to-do list. Deadlines approach and pass, and I nap.
Something is cooking inside me during this time. Something is being prepared. In due time, I will discover what it is. In the meantime, I surrender into the sacred space that my heart adores, and watch the parade of the world go past like I'm watching from an attic window the traffic on the street below.
We'll have to see what comes up next.